HOW BEING IN A COURTSHIP DESTROYED MY PERSONAL LOVE LIFE AND SHAPED ME TO BE A PATIENT PERSON IN LATER RELATIONSHIP TO COME

Me and my friends always sit back and discuss why is it rampant nowadays for young girls to rush into settling down with a man?They shift their baggage to a man’s house thinking their unending problems will be solved by this insidious man.

This amazement is extreme that we are often carried away like a black Jack hook pollinated by animals.

As i look into the valley of shadow wife role in courtship;my blood boils with anguish,its the obesity that even the most holy book of God"Bible commends"

Remembering my actions;I was in one of the expensive hostel in Wandegeya which is around Makerere university;this hostel had everything that made life comfortable;the gym;shuttles to transport us to campus,good security!Everything was perfect with my boyfriend living somewhere else.

As being in love,you think you can not live without him side by side(how naive i was?).

The Blossoms of love blinds you and you can neither concentrate on your academics nor make a proper decision of your life .You have allowed emotions decide for you and left your big coconut head there looking like it has eyes.

Yes!When you fall in love;its the sweetest Feeling you can ever ask for.

One time,because emotions have decided for you,you quickly move into the single roomed house that contains only his 4by 6 bed and mattress unlike yours that was either 2 by 4 or 3 by 3 whatsoever you were laying your problems on.

Boom! You have started your marriage life at the age of 19 years;here is the thing that puzzles me.”Did our parents ever tell us that once you get to campus;go and do courtship “Hahahahaahaha

Being in courtship is one hell of marriage that if you are not careful,you will deem,the only difference is that marriage;you have been fully accepted by the families and relatives while Courtship is a hidden enjoyment which non of your parents nor relatives have known about.

You are in courtship with this man who is either married or has a family and doesn’t want to disclose to you or he is not ready to settle down with a woman and the naive you,you cling thinking he is ready but he is pitting your stupid love you are blinded with for him.

In that road you have chosen;you need to be ready for various activities .

  • Balance books with taking wife responsibilities “you know i was once in this road,its one hell of nightmare that i had to fight until i won the battle"

I bet;most of the people who have been in courtship have had re-takes;One or two or even more because their brains has not yet been trained to deal with multiple things that are emotionally and mentally disturbing.

Sometimes you are late for lectures or even just miss them because you delayed to nurse LOVE

  • Provide conjugal rights;Yeah!if you fail here,then you will not be at peace with your so called husband,its funny enough that if lack is not on your side,you might land on a man who loves sex through think and thin;he doesn’t care whether you are tired or sick;all he needs is sex.As this is so traumatizing.

Some people go ahead and discuss you with their friends how you are having an affair outside that’s why you are denying him the conjugal rights

Ladies,learn how to say NO not yes all the time.

  • Play the house wife duty;you have to wash his clothes;iron them ,clean the house;cook food and every house chores as a house;here you have coursework demanding,tests and end of semester exams.

In such situations,i say you are making your own life miserable.

Days ,weeks and months pass plus years;thinking he will make things official but beneath his heart and mind;he is totally not ready for these crap you have put him in.

It becomes even worse when in that time,a baby arrives.Yes! A baby is a blessing but will it be a blessing when the father abandons you and the child?

I was so traumatized when i thought i would end up marrying this guy whom i loved truly with no material motive disappointed me;he broke my heart into pieces;that everytime i try to move on;i relapse into being single.That’s Love destroying I am talking about. My heart is caged in that it fears to love again.

I have not only lost love to be with another man but hate the feeling of being responsible for a man ,that i think about and proudly say he is my guy.

Courtship can destroy you that if you can’t forgive yourself and move on,you will never settle down for some good years or time.You will even turn down marriage proposals.

Lol

Always allow your mind to decide,do not make rush decision that will haunt you due to emotion blackmail.

Shaping yourself after courtship break up is quiet interesting.

  1. You have to accept that the dream marriage you thought about didn’t work out. The first step of healing a broken heart is acceptance,once you accept it,you begin to heal and healing means ;forgiving yourself and your ex boyfriend too.As you forgive yourself;let the anger go;free yourself from the anger of being betrayed.
  2. You have to move on.Yes;you will not just move on instantly;it will require you time to move on;as the saying goes Time is the Best Healer.You will still have the memory of the person;dont force yourself to get it off;i will afade naturally like a shadow fading in the valley of death .
  3. Revise yourself;think through the time you have spent with the person in courtship;and why did it fail out, were you a nagging woman,always quarrelling or starts up a fight?,were you so demanding. What we ought to know is that men go through alot and they need a peace mind and shoulder to lean on.Were you that kind of woman or you can explain. As you revise yourself ;think of not making those small mistakes that cost your relationship and try not to repeat them in your next relationship.
  4. Build yourself and work hard to earn;learn to solve your problems because no one likes bothering them with your problems because they are also dealing with alot on their shoulder.
  5. Patience;in all these drama i featured in,i have learnt how to be patient,it costs you nothing to be calm and wait with life.

I can proudly say i am in position to manage a home because being in courtship shaped me big time;i have learnt never to settle for less in any aspects of life.

There is so much you can do on your own.Going for what is rightfully yours Does not make you a Bitch.

It actually shows how you have grown to make a right decision with confidence. You don’t need to wait for someone to make your life decision.

Dont be ashamed of trying out courtship relationship;some of them module you to be a better person after the breakup while others if all goes well into a happy marriage.

These are all life lessons one learns.

Patience is Virtue”

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Maggie Olore

Maggie Olore

Fourth year student of Journalism and Communication at Makerere university. I am a passionate writer who loves telling her thoughts through Writing.